Interests:Christianity, HUMAN RIGHTS, The AIDS Crisis, Educational Equity, Mexican-American History, the REAL History of the United States, any and all things Chinese, Hong Kong and advocacy. Expertise:Working with kids, Writing curriculum, TEACHING!, justice, writing, learning new things. Occupation:Education/training Industry:Nonprofit
So once again...I forgot I had a Xanga. OOPS! As I look through this, I realize that LOTS has changed since the last time I updated this motha. Let's see if I can condense this into a list...and have fun with hyperlinks!
1. First and foremost, my location has changed. I was selected to be a Teach for America corps member in 2006, did my two years of time here in the RGV (sounds like prison..but it wasn't!) at a middle school in Brownsville and have now joined the ranks of the fastest growing and most revolutionary school district in the country: IDEA Public Schools. You should check the websites out for both. Honestly, my career is really going well and I couldn't ask for much more. The opportunities abound and I'm so grateful to be working with so many amazing people and learning so much.
2. Had an amazing two years with a group of students whose achievement shot through the roof. They're amazing. We also wrote a book together. Let me know if you'd like a copy.
3. Last time we left off, I had just graduated Cum Laude from St. Edward's University. I am now a stone's throw (okay, a little more then a year) away from having my master's degree in Education with an emphasis in curriculum and instruction from Lamar University. KRAYZEE! Who knew I'd be getting so edumakated? I even took my GRE and made a semi decent score. How? I have no idea. I probably won't be teaching next year; I'll most likely be phased into my role as a full time instructional coach.
4. Through the blessing of God and my great great grampy, I inherited oil royalties. A nice check gets in every month. Don't get me wrong: it's not making me rich or anything. And with my mothaffing school loans, it's much appreciated. But I have fun money every month. Please: do NOT CALL ME AN HEIRESS. My greedy ex-boyfriend is probably steaming with anger at this moment...mwahahahahahahahaha!
5. As I look through this Xanga, I have seen my many exploits with various boy folk: mostly the bad and the ugly. I am happy to report I am with an amazing man who loves me just the way I am and makes me laugh till I pee...regularly. Though I had thought I WOULD NEVER EVER AGAIN think about commitment, hilariously, I have found myself in the midst of a beautiful commitment. It's gorgeous in all it's imperfections, and we ultimately love and respect each other so much. It's unlike anything I've ever known. I smile as I type this. How disgusting! And awesome!
6. I saw Madonna. And I am going to see her again with the beautiful Thomas. Though this may not seem crucial to anyone but us, but you're reading my Xanga so you're forced to be confronted with my priorities.
7. I am sad to report that this year my father has battled a very severe form of cancer. They originally thought his prognosis was not good, but through the grace of God and the geniuses at MD Anderson in Houston, he is cancer free and will be through with treatment soon. Hallelujah!
8. I live in an old slightly decrepid but deliciously pink townhouse. It's just me and the dog. Two bedrooms and a tiny little yard...plus the occasional visitors.
9. I have gotten three tattoos. If you're nice, I'll show them to you. I lost the nose ring, but not by choice. It's sorely missed.
10. I want to go back to Hong Kong soon. Shout out to all my Hong Kongers!
All in all, many changes for the positive. Though I am away from most of my original friends, I've met many new and interesting people to keep me feeling loved along the way. My journey has not been easy and my life is not perfect, but with so much good, I don't have a lot to complain about.
Much love to you all, whether you still love me or have long forgotten I have existed! Maybe I will blog now...
If you don't like it, don't read it. I feel that at this point in my life it must be said, so please feel free to leave now if you don't like it.
Yes, I know right? What a contrite entry. And it's become so chic to disagree with the war in Iraq. But I will have you know that my freshman year of college, I heavily campaigned against and made it known that I absolutely hated this war before it even started. So let the record reflect that I hated the war in Iraq before it was fashionable and popular to do so.
Hate is a strong word. I believe that hate will only consume everything in your life: it's like fire. It just incinerates everything in it's path. But I really do hate war, and in particular, at this moment, I hate this war. There are so many reasons for me to do so, but I'll lay it out for you on the table.
I am a lover of peace. Besides it being the only real solution to most of our problems, my faith dictates that peacemakers are truly in tune with God.
America and Americans have very glamorized concepts of war. This is because we haven't lived in a war ravaged nation. Yes, we had Sept. 11th and similar attacks, and they were horrible and tragic, and I am in no way saying that they are inconsequential. But, we have never had a full scale war fought on our territory (i.e. Iraq, Kosovo, Lebanon, etc.). This allows us the privilege of being very removed from what happens.So we think that war is this tough but victorious event that makes men out of boys. But really, what it does is send our boys home in body bags before they were ever even men and kills thousands of innocent women and children (and make no mistake, they pay disproportionately for wars). When you've watched your entire city being blow up before your eyes, your children's arms and legs blow off and basically lose all hope and life and limb, then you do not think that war is such a great idea. You avoid war at any cost. But we've never had to TRULY pay that price and make those decisions
2. My childhood companions and my students pay disproportionately for this war. Why you ask? I grew up in the Valley. The biggest post high school recruiters in the Valley are the Army, the Navy and the Marines. You may not think that is such a bad thing, and if I had to choose between my kids having a life of gangs or violence and the Marines, then I'd obviously chose the Marines. But walk into any church in the Valley and you will see a sobbing family, a grieving mother or a young widow. Why? Because our community is losing some of it's best and brightest. Recruiters work OVERTIME in Valley high schools, particularly the really rough ones that my students feed into, to get them into the service. They tell them that they will be in SO MUCH DEBT and have miserable lives if they get regular financial aid in college (even though most of my kids are so poor they'd qualify for full scholarships anyways). So, they figure they can make their families proud AND get all of their college paid for by going into the military. Make no mistake though, my kids WILL NOT come back heroes once everybody wisens up to what a black hole this war is. My kids who don't come back in body bags, that is. And don't think they don't know the score. A direct quote from a Brownsville student: "Well ma'am, if I don't come back in a body bag, I'll get my college paid for."
What will history say about us? It won't be kind. While we sat around looking at pix of Britney Spears' exposed vagina, innocent children are literally getting their limbs and heads blown up in Iraq.
What I HATE most is that average middle class America is so removed from this war. Know any lawmakers who have children serving? Yeah, that's right, there's only one. They don't know the Martinez family like I do and the fact that their only son came back from Iraq in a body bag, even though Bush declared the war "over" years ago.....he loses his life..... all to be told there was "no plan" for post-war Iraq.
I come from a military family. Most of the men in my family have served. I have respect for the military, but I have no respect for an illegitimate, illegal, immoral and ill planned war. I have no respect for the factions of American society that takes war, death and genocide so lightly. I have no respect for a president who would blindly send my students to die for a war for which he has no plan. I have no respect for a group of lawmakers who would vote to give unprecedented authority to a president who is ignorant.
We are too removed, and we are dead to the screams and cries of help from the innocent.
And so here I am. Once again. A huge chunk of my life hanging on a call
I know I'll get from yet another doctor (or doctors) that could
potentially throw me another curveball. And as much as I say things
will be okay and I will persist (because I know I will), I can't help
but feel I've been through this all before. And it kind of sucks.
Where do you begin? It's not even like I can lament that it's not fair.
Life isn't about fairness. Suffice to say that my life up to this point
has been equal parts triumph and tragedy, sometimes with a little more
tragedy. Believe me when I say that I am not feeling sorry for myself.
I refuse to. Feeling sorry for myself means that I have somehow been
slighted in this slot machine called life, and I really don't feel I
have. I have my own crosses to bear, but so does everyone else. And
truly, there is no tragedy in my life until I give up. That will be the
tragedy. And that's not happening anytime soon, so let's get it
crackin', yallz.
When I found out that I could potentially be somewhat ill (with
anything) again, I took a walk with Bandit and my omnipotent iPod. And
I literally stopped in the middle of the park thingy and turned my
hands upward, outstretched towards God. I had just found out and I felt
so defeated. I didn't even want to know, I didn't even want to try. I
just felt so....tired. I wanted to fall to my knees and pray, but it
literally felt like if I got down, I wouldn't get back up. So instead I
just turned my hands upwards towards heaven and asked for peace and
strength to keep walking with my head held high. And the Lord let me
know that he/she was going to carry me through.
And so I trust.
It is not a kind of blind trust where I say that everything is going to
work out okay, because who the heck knows whether flying monkeys are
gonna fly through the window tommorow. Rather, it is the kind of trust
that says the cosmic truth of the Universe will always rectify what
feels wrong and bless what feels cursed. In my darkest moments, it is
this Truth that has carried me through. This truth is what most of us
refer to as God.
I will not be angry. I cannot be angry at this life that is too often
so tragic and painful because I am so incredibly blessed. I have
literally experienced the most precious moments of so many lives. I
have seen the most beaten down little souls get themselves back up and
teach me everything I know about strength and persistence. Everything I
know about never giving up I learned from the people around me (and
namely, my children). Our Creator saw fit to give me a mediocre talent
or two, and I have tried to use them as best as I can so that at the
end of the day, people can say that their lives were at least an
nanosecond or two better because I existed. And that is the richest
reward I could ever hope for. To give you smiles, to make you think, to
teach you how to distinguish between facts and opinions, but most
importantly, to show us all that there is a light within each of us
that nothing can extinguish, unless we ourselves put that light out.
Do not think I delude myself into thinking that my life is serving as
some sort of beacon or lives for others. I am a silly, selfish,
self-absorbed bratty bitch so many times. I fall painstakingly short of
who and what I should be, but if nothing else, maybe I have shown you
that no matter how crappy you are by nature, your life can actually be
used for something good. And the good can help other people!
I think of the richness and the blessings from all the people who have
loved me throughout my life and the incredible gifts they've given me.
I think of how my students teach me everyday about tough love, being
engaging, living what you believe, persistence and laughing at
yourself. I think of my delicious friends who laugh at my daily
stupidity and I marvel at what I did in this life to be so very
blessed.
These are the things that will carry me through right now, and they
will carry me through anything the doctors tell me. I will not stop
living, breathing and blessing the very goodness and nature of our
Creator by living out the will of kindness and the ultimate raising up
of those who have been so beaten down by our society and our world. I
will not stop laughing at myself or making stupid jokes or spelling
words with Z's, Y's and copious E's where they do not belong. I will
not stop loving sweet tea. I am who I am, and unfortunately (or
fortunately), that's who I am.
So, I may be bald next time you see me. Oh wellz. I gotta learn how to
kick it wit some cool head coverin's. I'm not going to lie: I'm
petrified at being sick, and I'm petrified about having a gross looking
head and losing my hair that I've invested $230423084902384023809423840
in now, but if this is to come to fruition, it is my opportunity to get
closer to the kind of person I want to be. I'd love to get to the point
where I didn't care about my face or my hair. Hahaha, maybe this is
pushing me there...YIKEZ. We'll get off of this topic.
"One love
One blood
One life you got to do what you should
One life with each other
Sisters and my brothers
One life but we're not the same
We get to carry each other, carry each other
One."
Well, Bono said it best, so it's like I have nothing left to say.
My brethren, count
it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the
testing of your faith produces patience.
But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. (James 1.2-4)
